we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
