her vagine was all disorganized.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this will be a night to untag.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
