I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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