I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's shark week go big or go home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
