What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
