How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
