The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
