If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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