you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
