i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ttyl tear gas
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let's paint friendship bongs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
