wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
