Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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