My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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