break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.