So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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