i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im holly from the hills drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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