I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
