Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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