a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
