this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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