think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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