I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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