CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
