well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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