I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
