you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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