I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
