was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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