Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
