my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
