she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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