I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
