i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.