Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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