My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.