i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.