Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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  (480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner. http://tfl.nu/bzec
  Replies (9) Good night (4114) Bad night (923)
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  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (29103) Bad night (2397)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

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  (612): If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting. http://tfl.nu/7l1r
  Replies (13) Good night (4645) Bad night (1549)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

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  (978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso
  Replies (34) Good night (4661) Bad night (1648)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

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  (802): But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was! http://tfl.nu/nt2c
  Replies (13) Good night (8875) Bad night (1533)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...

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  (570): who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius... http://tfl.nu/rkbg
  Replies (15) Good night (3736) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
  Replies (9) Good night (3302) Bad night (1182)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?

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  (360): Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two? http://tfl.nu/t4gj
  Replies (5) Good night (576) Bad night (1018)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...

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  (406): Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you... http://tfl.nu/o96h
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS

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  (647): YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS http://tfl.nu/r5xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1187) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.

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  (434): He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/bcau
  Replies (7) Good night (686) Bad night (826)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  do you want to shower with me?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower

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  (973): do you want to shower with me? (215): only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower http://tfl.nu/5xd8
  Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (403)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.

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  (203): Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed. http://tfl.nu/vekr
  Replies (5) Good night (1019) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.

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  (408): I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/3vr5
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (350)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I am sorry. I am also on acid.

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  (678): I am sorry. I am also on acid. http://tfl.nu/9m14
  Replies (0) Good night (648) Bad night (271)

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