Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
