I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
