so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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