two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
