I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
