She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
