When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
