Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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