Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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