we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
