it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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