Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize