No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
