I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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