I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
