Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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