I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize