Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
