I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
