I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
God I need to hump something, right now.
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