he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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