I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
