You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
