i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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