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I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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