If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
