My room smells like vodka and shame
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
