Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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(619): View more from California

Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?

Fav 17 864 4827
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(626): View more from California

a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

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(423): View more from Tennessee

drunk tastebuds have low standards.

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(303): View more from Colorado

The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!

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(802): View more from Vermont

I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her

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(773): View more from Illinois

It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car

Fav 4 594 1025
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans

Fav 1 665 1035
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(940): View more from Texas

It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test

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