PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
