I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
