Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
