Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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