im six kinds of drunk right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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