You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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