You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
