My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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